Going Dutch

The speaker also had a new wrinkle on how to approach raising a child with significant deficits. I must admit, this is something my mind returns to from time to time, especially as I watch my friends start families. I simply don't know how I'd respond to

The old outlook, which I had heard many years ago, was to "mourn for the child you lost, before you start to accept and appreciate the child you have." Meaning, you may not get to cheer for your kid at the soccer game, or watch her win the science fair, so don't foist those expectations on your child.

That phrasing always left me a little cold. The speaker's new interpretation, in addition to making me smile, is more illuminating (apologies if any European readers take offense):

"Welcome to Holland! All your friends have gone to Italy and taken these glamorous pictures, told these great stories about Rome and the countryside... You've always dreamed about going there, too. But you've found yourself in Holland, instead. It's not as flashy or fast-paced, but if you look around, you know, there are a lot of worthwhile things about it."