The Waiting is the Hardest Part

Recent events, a new Gap commercial, plus the discovery of a British pop band -- it's got me thinking. Just like Seinfeld had an entire episode where the gang was waiting to be seated at a Chinese restaurant, I propose a musical that consists of nothing more than a woman waiting to be seen in an emergency room.

Think of it. It'd be a little like Waiting for Godot, but set to music, and with a bigger payoff. There'd be pain, suspense, heartbreak, and the promise of an end to suffering. Everything you'd expect in a musical!

I further suggest the woman be named Annie. I'd like the enterprising producer who options this project to know, the music will be based on these three songs:

1. Annie Waits (Ben Folds)
2. Annie, Let's Not Wait (the Guillemots)
3. Annie, Get Your Gun (Squeeze... and, uh, the musical)

We could easily work in The Band's The Weight with its commonly misheard lyric, "Take a Load Off, Fanny" (bonus relevance: the song may actually be about an STD).

Further inspiration could come from the Annie soundtrack, or Wikipedia's Songs with Annie in the title.

A show like this prompts lots of unique considerations -- the length of the show could be stretched arbitrarily (Monday shows and matinees, for instance, would always run longer).

Actors and actresses could be forgiven for sounding flat or moving sluggishly -- they're playing sick! Also, costuming and set design couldn't be simpler.

Best of all, a show like this wouldn't need a big Broadway opening. It could play in hundreds of sites, in cities large and small, every day. I predict our first year could play to a captivated audience of 100 million.